Pooing theives

At approximately 5:45 this morning there was a loud knock on our door. I almost ignored it, but then I realised that Heidi may have forgotten her keys and couldn't get in. In actual fact, there were two cops standing, as they often do on cop shows, one near the door, one a bit further away, looking off into the distance, talking into a walky talky.
I immediately thought "Heidi did something naughty, oh o!"
They asked if Elayne was home, to which I corrected "Elyane, yes that's me"
"Are you the owner of a silver Exel?"
"Yes"
"Should it be here?"
"umm... yes"
"Well, it's not. It's been stolen."
In my sleepy stupidity I decided that Heidi had stolen it, then they asked me if someone living here owned a white Holden, and yet again (sorry Heidi, I don't know why I decided you were up to no good in some way) I thought oh god, what did she do, do I have to "bail her out"?
"It has been tampered with"
I decided Heidi probably wouldn't "tamper" with her own car.
I went to wake Heidi up and tell her that the cops wanted to talk to her. When I told her, she said to me "Oh, I think I saw them steal your car. But don't worry, I didn't steal them."
OK Heidi...

Turns out "tamper" meens "pooed on" in the policemans dictionary. They broke off the fuel tank little door thing, and smeared poo INSIDE. Mike's car just had a bin on it. Lucky mike. They left a calling card of an ugly sock, one in Heidi's car, one on Mike's car.

My car is probably dead. We had some good times.
Heidi had to clean the poo herself.
Crossroads need to unite to find whoever did this. Heidi kept some of the stool sample for DNA testing, which will be carried out at UC.

The WEIRDEST thing is, after all this was over, I started watching an episode of "Peep Show" and it was an episode called "Burgling" and what do you know.... Mark goes over to the toilet....
Mark: Oh my god, they did a shit
Jez: Oh God, that is so.. why do burglars do that?
Mark: I think it's nerves, or marking their teritory
Turns out it was Jez, but still, coincidence!